A. Everyone has conflict with their brothers and sisters because it is always a difficult time adjusting to new siblings when they arrive, especially if you were there first. However, your feelings actually include trying to take bad action which shows an extreme amount of jealousy in you which needs to be addressed because bad thoughts merely keeps you feeling terrible and destroy you in the end.

It seems likely that you feel left out of things with your parents, you believe you are not getting as much attention as he is, you don’t feel as worthy and welcomed, that he has usurped your place as the favourite in the family, you perhaps feel excluded and unwanted, and, most of all, that your parents LOVE him more than you. But your parents love you both and value you both. What happens is that new kids always attract attention initially, because they are new to the household and need looking after, until they learn to look after themselves.

Don’t be too jealous of your brother because your parents love you too and would hate anything to happen to either of you. In fact, if you start trying to really love him, you will begin to feel better about yourself too because you can start the sharing process and looking after each other. If you still feel animosity towards him, and you don’t want to talk to your parents, try talking to someone you can trust to get some counselling. That is very important for your own development and self esteem.

Back then, the only gay person I heard about in the UK, or came in contact with, was Quentin Crisp, through the TV drama of The Naked Civil Servant. Yes, gays were around, but they were regarded as oddities, living against the teachings of the bible. Open prejudice against them meant only a few were brave enough to admit it. Worse still, far fewer people in Britain are religious now and so the only times they see a church are when they cannot avoid the necessary social rituals. Yet, we still pretend that Christians are in the majority in an increasingly diverse society and clothe social behaviour in singular Christian ethics.

While all this change is going on, we are still demanding certain kinds of outmoded behaviour of people, paying homage to the nuclear family instead of acknowledging the relentless rise of single households; ignoring the fact that fewer and fewer people are getting married, while we try hard not to notice the increasing number of extramarital relations (and divorces) occurring by the minute. The latest survey reveals that at least 60 per cent of both men and women are being intimate with people other than their official partners. Yet we continue to treat such people as though they are in a minority, as though they are home-wreckers; pretending that only a few misguided and selfish’ people would behave in such a manner, while still denying the increasing diversity of a developing society which is in anxious cultural transition. You only have to go on the Internet to see how many married people of both sexes are openly seeking new relationships with no intention of leaving their partners. Disguised as seeking ‘fun’ the eternal search goes on to find that elusive happiness.

Thanks to new technology, which has liberated people from their home location, there is now a self-righteous orgy of diminishing trust, betrayal and deceit in operation; one which is far removed from the much-vaunted Victorian values of family loyalty, commitment and selflessness. The mobile phone has become an indispensable item for illicit lovers, confirmed by a survey conducted for famous divorce lawyers, Mishcon de Reya. Thanks to the growth in the number of mobile phone and Internet users, adultery is taking on new life in a dramatic way and conducting illicit affairs has never been easier.

The biggest case for affirmative action to continue in some form is with the college admission systems. So far, in colleges which no longer use affirmative action to place applicants, the number of Black students being accepted has dramatically declined. Cynics might say that it proves they were not eligible in the first place, but American society is very racist in key parts. Until that racism can be stemmed to some degree, there will always be a need for some remedial or affirmative action. When we have a situation where only White students are being educated in a given area, for whatever reason, what are the economic and social implications for the future when the students of ALL races are that future?

I have visited America as a Black woman on numerous occasions and have always been struck by the sheer apartheid nature of its society, the way people live in clear racial and cultural divides, hardly mixing at all, seldom understanding one another and with various erroneous perceptions of one another. There is an emphasis instead on getting the semantics right, promoting the jargon of equality without the substance to support it. Affirmative action is not there to treat anyone in more favourable terms than another. It is simply about representation: ensuring that a given community is reflected at all levels of activity, particularly in ensuring crucial opportunities to everyone in society, regardless of their colour or culture. The fact that most institutions in America are still very White in composition, despite the growth and success of minorities, show that affirmative action will be needed for a long time to redress the balance of routine and pervasive racism in society, not least because of its history.

As to the ‘NO’ writer who says that all colours in British society are treated ‘equally’ and fairly, she has obviously never lived in Britain! People might live harmoniously here but that does not suggest anything is equal. At least we don’t live in exclusively racial ghettos. However, as a Black Briton, there is nothing fair about British society for minorities otherwise they would have advanced much further already. Britain is at least 20 years behind America in effective equality practices. The reason why there isn’t more of a fuss about it is because minorities are not as organised, socially or politically, due to lack of awareness and smaller numbers. The social norms tend to suppress such issues and the history is rather different. Minorities in the UK are a long way behind successful counterparts in the USA because, though we need something like affirmative action to redress some of the glaring imbalances and inequities, that kind of action has been repeatedly resisted by governments. Yet the latest economic report on the state of minority communities in Britain makes dismal reading.

If a problem is never directly addressed and dealt with, it simply remains the same or gets even worse. Without doubt, racism is alive and well in America. Until one is on the receiving end of it, it really is a difficult concept to understand, appreciate and accept. A poor White person worries about not having any money and where the next crust is coming from. A Black person worries about the next crust, but also has the added burden of wondering who is going to stop him from getting that crust just because of his colour. That subtle difference between being White and Black can make or break lives.

The fact that affirmative action is being questioned now shows how successful it has been. Perhaps it needs something else to replace it to be more in tune with developing times, but there is no question as to its fairness and the need for it to redress the relentless inequity. Affirmative action may not be the best thing to remedy the situation for minorities, but it has been a crucial start in the process of equality. Whatever many people feel about it, rightly or wrongly, it has given a lot of minorities a positive start in their lives which they would have been deprived of primarily because of their colour and the spurious belief that one can engender equality simply by saying it without believing in it or acting upon it.